Newbie…again.

Have you ever worked all night in your sleep? Isn’t it a drag to wake up and think, “Aw man! I have to work for real now!”?

I worked last night in my dreams. I can’t tell you how many IV’s I started! “Whyyyyyyy?!”

I think my issue is because I’ve recently started a new job. I’ve always worked as an oncology nurse and I’m no novice! I’ve worked in the hospital, in clinics, in medical oncology, in radiation oncology, pre-stem cell transplant, post-stem cell transplant, with newly diagnosed patients, with patients at the end of their lives…I’ve done a lot. Despite that, starting over SUCKS! And it’s super stressful.

I have some great new co-workers. I can already tell. I mean, when we’re working to ’80s music on Saturday or when I hear laughter coming from more than one room at a time, I know I’ve got some dynamic teammates. But that doesn’t help my mental block.

I feel like I should be better. I should be faster. I should know what the heck is going on. I should know these weird regimens. I should know where that obscure doctor’s office is located. I should not have to have help from my coworkers.

A couple weeks ago as I was getting off orientation, I opened up a little to my preceptor about this whole thing. He was so cool about it and I could have hugged him when he said, “No, you are doing just fine. I’m glad you’re taking your time to get things right. Speed will come with time. Knowing where things are will come with time. You’re exactly where you should be.”

So why can’t I get that from my brain to my heart?

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