Weekly Writing Challenge: Moved by Music

This writing assignment is a challenge! I am the type of person who lives by music. Nearly every song I’ve heard has some memory attached to it and to sift through to find a most meaningful song takes a little effort, but this is my pick.

Be Here Now–Ray Lamontagne

Don’t let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don’t try
Don’t let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there’s a strength that lies

Don’t let your soul get lonely child
It’s only time, it will go by
Don’t look for love in faces, places
It’s in you, that’s where you’ll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don’t lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don’t put your trust in walls
‘Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
They all will fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

I first heard this song a little over two years ago when a friend posted this YouTube video to her Facebook page. I was working nights at the time and part of my routine to flip from being a “daywalker” to a “nightshifter” was to stay up as late as possible (aka 6am) the night before I was to start my shifts. I was also in a very lonely place in my life.

I lived in an abusive relationship for about eight years total–not so much physically, although hE made sure I knew hE was stronger than me–which pretty much broke me of being “me”. The change crept up slowly. I mean, at first the relationship seemed wonderful enough that I married the guy. But as time went on it became clear I was nothing of what hE wanted (I wasn’t blonde enough, skinny enough, or had big enough breasts, BUT I had too large of an ass, I was stupid, thoughtless, too independent, etc.). The thing is, hE didn’t want anyone else to have me. This constant grind on my self-esteem was hard to take. That coupled with constantly walking on eggshells because I didn’t know what mood hE would be in, how hE might hurt me next really made me clam up, wall up, be trapped in the ice castle of what was left of my heart.

I remember clicking the link to this song sometime around 2am. I cried as I listened to the lyrics. hE was asleep so I could break my facade of I-don’t-care and be vulnerable, acknowledging the hurt I felt. Ray Lamontagne spoke so perfectly to my current state of heart that I continued to listen to Be Here Now every day.

About three months later I found the strength to leave.To be honest it was more like an escape, a jailbreak. You see, in those three months, my situation had gone from bad to worse. hE became more erratic in thoughts and moods. hE started getting more physical. hE would “joke” about how hE wanted to kill me and how hE was plotting to do it so hE wouldn’t get caught. I was so fearful.

Once I left, I continued to play this song every night. It became like a lullaby to me, reminding me of my inner-strength, to not push others away when they tried to understand, and to get rid of those walls around my heart.

Monday marked my two-year anniversary of freedom. Yes, I still struggle with flashbacks, and sometimes hiS voice creeps into my head, leaving me with doubt about my self-worth, but overall, I’m so much healthier, happier, and feel blessed that I survived.

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3 thoughts on “Weekly Writing Challenge: Moved by Music

  1. Me too Good for YOU!!! SO glad you made it out ok. Your post brought tears to my eyes. So many of us have been there too, including me šŸ™‚ You are awesome!!! thanks for connecting.

  2. I also entered the challenge and I’m popping around to see how others managed the task. After reading your post — with all of it pain and hope — I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary. Great song choice!

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